


Heart of Glass

by tizzyjukebox



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: But Only in Caleb's Memories, But like...Google Translate, Caleb Widogast Needs a Hug, Caleb Widogast is a Mess, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Everyone Is Alive, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, German/Zemnian, Hurt/Comfort, I have twenty minute bouts of inspiration, I refuse to write fluffy fics where Molly isn't there sorry not sorry, Joke's On Y'all, Multi, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, Other, Past Abuse, Sick Caleb Widogast, Sick Character, Sickfic, Sorta Polynein but not enough to like...MEGA tag, They just all wanna take care of Caleb what am I supposed to do, Trent Ikithon Being an Asshole, and none of that involves spell checking, sorry - Freeform, stop them?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:08:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26056966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tizzyjukebox/pseuds/tizzyjukebox
Summary: Caleb gets really sick after a mission and he didn't wanna tell anybody because he's angsty. They all just wanna take care of him.Title from Caleb's first playlist, Heart of Glass by Blondie and remixed by Philip Glass.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett & Caleb Widogast, Caduceus Clay & Caleb Widogast, Caleb Widogast & Everyone, Caleb Widogast & Yasha, Essek Thelyss & Caleb Widogast, Fjord & Caleb Widogast, Jester Lavorre & Caleb Widogast, Mollymauk Tealeaf & Caleb Widogast, Nott | Veth Brenatto & Caleb Widogast, The Mighty Nein & Caleb Widogast
Comments: 6
Kudos: 130





	Heart of Glass

_ “You know they’ll leave you once you’re useless, right?”  _ Man, fever-induced voices are a pain in the ass. Also, useless. As if Caleb needed the reminder that his friends are plenty capable without his help. At least they were on their way back to the Xhorhaus in between missions. The cold of the mountains between the Empire and Xhorhas wasn’t helpful for the wizard’s sensitive immune system, and he felt the need to hide his sniffles from the Nein as they made their way from the Lucid Bastion to the Gallimaufry. It was fine, when they got back to the house he would go to bed and lock the door til the cold blew over. At least, it was fine until they got to the steps of the Xhorhaus only for Essek to appear behind them with some more bad news.

“I’m afraid that though you’ve just returned, the eight of you are needed for an emergency mission to Bazzoxan. The temples there have been overrun with a disproportionate amount of entities, and they’re seeking reinforcements.” Essek floated up towards the Nein, “I can send you there immediately or tomorrow morning, if you’re in need of rest?”

“Now should be fine, we slept in the mountains before returning. We’re alright, right guys?” Fjord turned to the group just in time to see Caleb keel over and vomit off the side of the front steps. Immediately to his side was Caduceus and Veth with a Lesser Restoration and a water skin. Fjord turned back to Essek, a concerned look in his eyes. “Actually, do you have any other reinforcements to send? I don’t want to head up there with a sick wizard, and we definitely don’t want to head there without him.”

“N-no, you guys will be fine,” Caleb sputtered, wiping his chin and leaning against the doorframe, ignoring Veth puttering about him as Caduceus walked over to Jester to confer about something. “I’ll stay here and sleep. Or, you know, I can come. I feel fine, honestly. Vomiting once is nothing, I’ll be fine!” Caleb suddenly panicked at the idea of being useless just because he got sick. He didn’t want to be left behind but also he didn’t want to pull the team back because he was sick. He didn’t want them to fail because he wasn’t good enough to stay well. His face paled as he leaned heavily against the door, Veth the only thing really holding him up.

“Caleb, go lay down. We’re staying. Essek, I’m sorry but we can’t help this time. Whatever you need next time, we’ll be there. Promise.” Oh no, now Fjord was making a promise to make up for Caleb’s shortcomings. What if Essek thought that Caleb was weak for preventing a strong team from an important mission? What if Caleb became the reason that people didn’t trust the Nein to be reliable anymore? Gods, his brain hurt. He was feeling fuzzy and the only thoughts in his brain were that he was a useless idiot and he was wasting everyone’s time and-

“Of course, Fjord. I’ll let our secondary team know their services are needed.” Essek’s remained calm and collected, but when his eyes turned to Caleb’s, Caleb was sure he could see just a hint of worry in his eyes. Or maybe it was pity. Great. “Take care, Mr. Widogast. I’d hate to see you down too long. Come see me when you feel better, alright?” His mouth twitched in the most gentle of smiles, his eyes still worried, and he turned and floated down the street. 

Caleb could feel himself slipping down the wall, and he vaguely heard Yasha’s name being called and suddenly he was no longer on the ground. The Aasimar’s arms were strong and firm, but she carried him ever so gently through the library into his bedroom and laid him on the soft bed. Veth tucked his sheets around him and felt his forehead as Caleb watched through hazy eyes.

“Yasha, please have Caduceus make some tea for a fever and nausea, and bring me back a bowl of cool water and a cloth please?” Yasha nodded, a concerned look in her eyes that matched Essek’s, and hurried off with Veth’s instructions. “Caleb, hun, can you hear me?” Veth’s voice cut through the haze, gentle and maternal. Caleb tried his best to make eye contact with her and he nodded weakly. “Alright, Cay, we’re gonna take good care of you, understand? Can you talk to me? How long have you been feeling unwell?”

“A few...hours? Maybe...since we woke up this morning?” Caleb’s voice felt raw from the bile from earlier, and suddenly another wave of nausea hit him. Luckily, Veth was ready this time and had apparently brought in a small bucket for him to puke into. It was mostly bile, he didn’t feel well enough to eat this morning.

“Caleb, why didn’t you say anything? We could have gotten home sooner! I told you that you weren’t wearing thick enough clothes for the mountain!” Veth’s scolding grated on Caleb, and he felt tears prick the edges of his eyes and he nodded.

“I-I’m sorry, Veth. I know I’ve fucked up,” Caleb tried to sit up a little but Veth shoved him back down. “I’m sorry... _ Scheiße.  _ I’ve lost us a job, too...I’m sorry...you all should have gone without me.” Caleb’s head fell back on his pillow as he closed his eyes, releasing a few held tears in his eyes that felt cool on his overheated face. He felt Veth wipe them away and kiss his forehead gently.

“You didn’t fuck up, Cay. You just need to let us know when something’s wrong so we can take care of you, alright? Everyone’s worried about you. Have you eaten today?” He shakes his head. “I’ll go have Caduceus whip up some soup as well as that tea, alright? Something gentle so you can get something in that empty stomach. Don’t think I didn’t notice you skipping breakfast, young man.” She patted him gently on the cheek as he chuckled, and scurried off towards the kitchen, only for Caleb to hear the footsteps of two more people enter the room.

“Caleb, darling, you thought you could turn green and practically faint and we would leave you here? Or worse, bring you on a mission? Oh honey,” Mollymauk sat on one side of the mattress, pressing a hand to Caleb’s forehead and the heat practically matched. Which should have concerned Caleb, considering Molly basically has fire in his blood. But he was too tired to be concerned about his fever.

“Yeah, asshole. What if you had collapsed in combat? We would have thought you died or something, Jester and Caduceus’ healing can’t do shit if they don’t know what they’re treating.” Beau sat on the opposite side of the bed, and while her words were harsh her hand was gentle, pressed against his own on top of the blankets. 

“ _ Entschuldigung _ ,” Caleb’s voice was barely audible to himself as he apologized. His mind was racing again. His friends were upset with him. They knew he was nothing more than an inconvenience. Gods, he should just die here.

_ “A pitiful way to go, really,”  _ said the unhelpful voice in his head,  _ “But nothing less than you deserve. A pitiful human with pitiful dreams deserves a pitiful death.”  _ It was mildly concerning to Caleb that the voice didn’t really sound like his, it was grating on his mind and forcing its way in. Normally his intrusive thoughts were at least his own.

“You don’t have to apologize, love,” Molly’s voice cut through his brain once again, “but I’m sure you can tell how worried about you we are. Honestly, it’s nice to have the break between missions but don’t expect to be left alone for any extended amount of time. We’re taking shifts!”

“That’s right,” a new voice - Jester’s - popped into the conversation, “There’s enough of us here that you aren’t gonna be left alone any time soon, okay Cayleb? Here’s the water and cloth Veth promised!” A cool, wet cloth was pressed to Caleb’s forehead and he felt an immediate rush of good feelings as Jester pressed a hand to his cheek and kissed his forehead. 

“You’re still very warm, but Caduceus promised some delicious tea! He said that luckily he had the right herbs up in his tower for fevers and nausea, and honestly it smelled pretty good. If you weren’t sick I would probably steal some,” Jester giggled softly, but when Caleb opened his eyes to see her, he could see her face was tinged purple and her eyes were puffy and red. She probably didn’t want to come in until she had stopped crying, but Caleb’s heart broke all over again. Why couldn’t he just...not get sick? Why did these people worry so deeply for him? As Jester stood by his side, dabbing his forehead with the cloth, Beau and Molly stepped out, the tiefling tossing a wink and a wave Caleb’s way.

~

“Rooibos and hibiscus for the fever, ginger and catnip for the nausea,” The tea set on Caleb’s bedside table smelled amazing, and he felt his head clear just a little from the steam he inhaled, “I know most mint flavors are a bit strong, but catnip is in the same family and has a much milder taste. Also I felt it fit your theme, don’t you?” Caduceus smiled softly at Caleb as Jester helped the wizard sit up so he could safely sip his tea. “And I made some vegetable and noodle soup for when your stomach settles, you go ahead and take your time. It’s not difficult to heat up.” The soothing bass of Caduceus’ voice paired with Jester’s hand running through his hair as he drank did just as much to settle his mind and stomach as the gently sharp taste of the tea Caleb sipped. He felt the weight of Frumpkin curled up against his side, purring gently. His mind had calmed down from earlier, though he was still concerned about the fact that that voice hadn’t been his own. His fever had broken but only barely, he still felt weak, but his mind was cognizant enough to recognize that his friends were only looking out for him, they weren’t angry and didn’t think he was useless. That was just him.

“You know, Cayleb,” Jester’s voice in his ear was barely above a whisper, her head on his shoulder as he drank and Caduceus meditated in a chair, “you can tell us when something’s wrong. You...you can tell me, you know? We wanna make sure you’re okay, you’re very important to us. And I don’t mean just in a sense that your magic is like, super useful and powerful. Because it totally is. But we also just...care about you, you know? We all love you very much...and I don’t like seeing you so miserable because you felt like you couldn’t talk to us, okay?” Jester sniffed gently as Caleb lifted his hand to gently cup her face and lift it towards his. Her eyes shone with unshed tears, and he could tell she was trying to hold them back. He sensed Caduceus’ eyes on them, and he sighed deeply.

“I...I know, Blueberry. I’m sorry to have worried you. I just felt that we were so busy, there was no time for me to be ill.” 

“Mr. Caleb, you can’t control when you are ill or not. You’re only human,” Caduceus’ smile reached all the way to his shining pink eyes when Caleb looked his way. It was infectious. Caleb couldn’t help but smile back at his cleric friends. 

“ _ Ja,  _ I’m glad I have so many good friends to take care of me, right Veth?” Caleb glanced to his Halfling companion quietly entering the room to switch shifts with the clerics.

“You bet your ass, Cay. You can’t get away with secrets in this group anymore, not after all the shit we’ve been through. You know that.” Veth’s words would have been harsh if she hadn’t been smiling so brightly to see Caleb sitting up after just a few hours. “Alright, Jester, Cad, let’s let Caleb sleep. I’ll sit with him for a few hours.” Jester placed a kiss on the top of Caleb’s ginger mop of hair, followed by a second from Caduceus. Caleb waved at his friends as they left the room, and Veth sat up in Caduceus’ chair.

“I’m serious, Caleb. You better get to sleeping. Fevers don’t go away without rest and they can spike again at any time.” Veth helped Caleb lay back down properly and tucked him under the covers, a cool rag on his head and Frumpkin curled into the curve of his neck and shoulder. As Veth sat back down with a book on basic alchemy, Caleb slowly descended into a deep sleep.

~

_ “Useless, Bren. Your peers mastered this spell two weeks ago. Why are you still struggling? You are weak, that is why. If you ever expect to serve the Empire like you are supposed to, you must apply yourself.” _

_ “M-Master Ikithon,  _ _ verzeih mir bitte _ _. I’ve been recovering the past week from a violent sickness that overtook me while I was on leave back in Blumenthal-” Ikithon’s strike across Bren’s face was something he’d experienced before, and the boy knew that if he shed tears he would only get hit again. Yet, it was difficult every time. _

_ “ _ _ Es gibt keine Entschuldigung! Don’t come to me with your filthy, pitiful excuses, you ignorant fool. If you truly applied yourself you would have built up to this spell before now. You are nichtsnutzig. How dare you have the audacity to claim talent, I should have never taken you as a student. Return to your dormitory and consider your mistakes. Prove to me that you are worthy of my teaching.” _

_ “Jawohl,” Bren bowed as he left swiftly, hoping to avoid a beating. He knew it. He was useless. He’d never be strong enough. Why would the Nein want his companionship? He was no good to anyone, he wasn’t strong enough to protect them, why would they want him around, why would they- _

“Caleb, Caleb, wake up, man!” Beau was shaking him gently as Caleb opened his eyes, panting heavily. “You started thrashing and crying out and I think you were having a nightmare…” She put a hand to his forehead and frowned, “Your fever isn’t much better than earlier...here, Caduceus made more tea before he went to bed. It’s like 3 am or something.”

“3:17.” Caleb sat up stiffly, a hand to his forehead and breathing deeply.

“Sorry it’s cold, you want me to heat it up?” Beau held the teacup tentatively, as if Caleb was about to break or something.

“I’ll take it cold, that’s fine. I...I didn’t say anything, did I?” Caleb took the cup from Beau’s hands and sipped as he glanced up to her face. She wasn’t looking at him.

“I mean...yeah. You did. But it was all in Zemnian, so I didn’t really catch much. But...you...I mean you really sounded afraid. Was it about that...asshole Ikithon? I thought you didn’t dream about him anymore…” Caleb sighed and took another sip from the lukewarm tea. He didn’t often dream about his old teacher, it was probably triggered by the fever and the intrusive thoughts. Speaking of, that’s where he had heard the unhelpful voice before. From the mouth of his old teacher. 

“It’s fine...just a fever induced nightmare about how useless I am when I’m sick. I’ve got the constitution of a goldfish.” He managed a weak smile towards his monk friend, who sighed and sat back in her chair.

“Don’t worry, you’re definitely not useless. Just...get to sleep and get better so I don’t have to take midnight shifts, alright?” She grinned at him regardless. “Don’t worry, you’re safe in here.” Caleb smiled at his friend and thought fondly of the others in the Xhorhaus who were ready at the drop of a hat to take care of him rather than adventure without him. He was safe here. 

**Author's Note:**

> German Translations (I know they're maybe not good but I love inserting random words into Caleb's and Ickythong's dialogue):  
> Scheiße: sHIT.  
> Entschuldigung: I apologize/My apologies.  
> Verzeih mir bitte: Please forgive me/Forgive me, please.  
> Es gibt keine Entschuldigung!: There is no excuse!  
> Nichtsnutzig: Useless, worthless, hopeless, no-account, good-for-nothing, no-good.  
> Jawohl: Yes/Yes, sir.


End file.
